Need Satisfaction

Not much to share and this saddens me for I too was youngER not too long ago and chose to live my life driving in the fast lane with no off ramp, finally a good K hole spooked me enough to find an off ramp before I became the sad individuals you would meet still single, getting older by each bump or drink consumed and for anyone who cares and I mean the young ones here, I started at 16, came out gay, dropped acid at 17, and tested HIV positive a year later. TRUST ME when I say or your family tells you don't grow up so fast you will have your whole life to do all the twisted things you are doing know with nobody telling you to stop because when your turn 21 you will be legal and an adult to boot. My first realization of this was on my 20th birthday in at the time Oklahoma City. My partner had left his wife a few years prior, he had money and we new how to throw a party. As an evil trick on my partners part he had all our friends drop acid a little earlier than planned. Oh BTW I was dressed in purple unitard and covered in purple balloons with a hideous skullcap and green leaves and twigs..if you haven't guessed i was a batch of grapes. Then just as the acid turned me on full blast the doorbell rang and it was my mom, dad, and little sister with whom I hadn't seen because of the way the whole gay thing went down in a Italian catholic home. I don't blame my partner for this because all of my friends were in on the so called joke. Lets just say trying to "grip" or in my case "Grape" was not possible and once they were inside everyone of course makes it more uncomfortable by being quiet except for a few friends who offered to take their coats etc. Mother replied that's OK Tommy seems to be having the time of his life and I grabbed my little sister who was all of 15 and offered her a bump of cocaine. She didn't know how to do it and I showed her in my acid tripping state of mind thank the lord my hands shook so much she didn't get it in the nose, come to find out months later she was a serious drunk. But there is a story another part of my life shared for others to read, laugh at, judge, or cry. Me personally next to my Th b day party thrown by my entire family with my partner and our kids almost beat out my acid trip 20th. The point of this revelation is turning 21 in Las Vegas the following year because now I was legal was so idiotic because I had 6 year head start already.

Were Country

Remember when? A girl and a dream

Gay Pride 2007

Get ready cause I am going to tell it like I do every year I live with this disease. Okay there are many many social networking sites popping up one after another.  I really would like to start a bit of a how do you say "a network of in your face, toilet face kind of people".  Well them there is fighting words but there are two social networking sites with this web 2.0 craze and with my wisdom or uh long term survivor of 24 plus years if you will would like to make having this damn disease fun again.  Remember the days of should I tell or should I keep quiet, or taking AZT back when it first came out and popped them with whatever PILL dujour was of the evening.  Ecstasy, coke, or GHB those were fun times.  But now I am still alive and in gay years should be appearing on a smuckers jam jar on the today show rather soon.   So I started these two clubs/networks/gatherings/or maybe a little shock publicity if you will, Tina no I didn't mean it...just basically called Ask the Gay with Full Blown AIDS, he-mans women haters club.  No just kidding on the he-mans thing didn't you love those little rascals?  Okay I am getting off on a tangent.  My point is I am not any better than any other long termed or more knowledgeable either all I am saying is I started these online support groups ala circa AOL 2.0 1994 way back in the day when I was more than a contender I was some-BODY and I do mean BODY.  I am also very humble and would use to share my story with anyone who had a camera and a contract or if I was so HIGH I could keep the New York Christmas tree lit just from my teeth grinding the friction alone.oh dear tangent sorry. 

  I would love to meet other sarcastic, dark humor, dry or quick witted and maybe a dash of evil but only enough to make us laugh without the so called object of our rejection ever knowing and the reason why I would allow it is because deep down we all know those people and we all have their numbers to put it mildly and they are most likely talking about us anyway.  So does two wrongs make a right, gossip or perpetuating the catty queen behavior so many of us negative and positive still try so hard to distance ourselves from. I don't buy it and find it insulting to our forefathers, sisters and skins to erase our "HER"itage as gay men. Please I do not want to lead on I am forgetting or addressing the rest of our community such as Lesbian, Bisexuals, and Tran gendered in this discussion but it is GLBT and Gay was put first so I am sorry about the order of who is more important but I didn't write the write the constitution so don't blame me write to your cable operator and start a expedition so your voice or vote will be counted and heard too and you may see change in your lifetime.  I doubt it but keep up the good fight because no one cause is more important than mine and learning how to MILK and mingle is hard to master but I know there has to be a few of you left out there in the big world wide web who is still struggling to survive hanging on with not a t cell to spare, you know who you are and I am the HIV/AIDS Internet community crier, but I am literally crying. 

And frankly I like the word fag but I was out of town and missed that vote but I can live with gay. So beyond ignorant just thinking of the many gorgeous men I had encountered in many aspects meaning encounter could be easily replaced with whatever word you could dream up, my point being those pretty boyz who would get pinched if you were having fun laughing out loud and refer to them as GIRL, go get mama a drink.  Well you would think the world had just come to an end, I am not your girl I am a guy thank you.  uggghhhhh barf whatever and I suppose everybody who is shirtless and dancing the night away with sweat glistening off their nipple but their nose has not a bit of shine, powdered down to perfection.  In many cases powdered down in more ways than one.

  Oh and one more thing these are the type of gay men who only do drag on Halloween but their costumes are planned a year ahead of time and they usually start shopping in the early spring.  Plus have you ever noticed there is always a pair of size 12 pump placed so it is not seen, but not so hidden it can't be busted out one evening when she is feeling pretty.   Halloween but their costumes are planned a year ahead of time and they usually start shopping in the early spring.  Plus have you ever noticed there is always a pair of size 12 pump placed so it is not seen, but not so hidden it can't be busted out one evening when she is feeling pretty.  Okay now with this vivid description out of the way

 Okay now with this vivid description out of the way it is important to understand why I mentioned looking for others with a little bit of catty and a dash of evil just enough to be able to laugh at someone else's faux pas at the cost of complete humiliation.  But it has been my experience, training, and most of all survival skills taught by situations of Vile and terror only to be clocked or read by the nearest drag queen or a pre op transsexual incognito there to read my beads and put me in my place.  What the hell does this all mean, I am alive

For a couple of damn good reasons and one of them is a sense of humor, though a bit dark, misunderstood, rude, judgmental, insecure, and the typical Miss Thing behavior we all have tried in vain to run away from, but deep down we love it and if you don’t love it your lying or you are no good at it.  Good at what you ask?  Well if you have to ask then you will never be good at it.  Sure we all are born with gaydar and our lesbian sisters know their way around power tools if everyone would just stop, think for a frickin minute before sputtering out drunk, sober, or otherwise something stupid and/or politically charged by resorting to the same old basic middle school labels and parent taught stereotypes who would we have to laugh at?  I mean I own the word FAG and I take the power out of this hate language and use it to refer to friends as a term of endearment to my “homie-sexuals” We are living in a time when words hurt and that saddens me.  

  If you are flying in the gay world solo not having the tools of being able to protect yourself with a quick witted comeback or the reading of someone’s beads back at em if they dare try it on you.  Okay so you are not good at playing stupid little name calling games or reading someone’s “beads” by clocking and calling them out on a bad fashion mistake when it wouldn’t have made a difference. 

  OMG a tear the finale of The Real World Denver and Brookes final confessional has made me rethink this whole short story essay, application, shout out, blog post whatever it is I can honestly say just like Brooke said I feel alive, I didn’t when I started this adventure but I feel alive now.  So on that note and rude thought interruption we will refocus back to my story that is by far more important and a whole complete life lesson worth of knowledge.

  Where was I oh yeah it wouldn’t have made a difference it was already way too late for your friend to change.  Okay so your best friend visiting from back home is wearing and working this trendy neon green button down shirt which looks faboo on his oh so buff, tall, masculine frame, some brand new jeans etc.  However as hot as he looked and he knew it too just happened to be in every setting is it mood lighting, or a quick stop at the stink pot fluorescent lighting gas station?  Hi how are you here, hey what’s up nice to meet you there all just made me sick…so fake you think your friend is just a little to cute for his own words.  So just say for example this best girlfriend is taking you out to a new hot bar he has been too and knows it has nothing but black lighting.  So you are not just noticed you are seen for at least a mile and half, hell you could land planes you are a walking living breathing glow stick.  True story, so embarrassing and humiliating for him I can still remember him begging me to go somewhere else but I couldn’t the night was planned weeks in advance unlike his obvious outfit disaster. I was treating one of my back home girlfriends to a night out in the one and only West Hollywood.  Well she was taller than me and had less body fat and it wasn’t like I slept with her boyfriend on their 4-week anniversary, I at least waited until the next day. Duh I am not so evil I would make someone cry just for a laugh at their expense, well maybe an uncomfortable pause or embarrassed face on the verge of crying but just a whimper isn’t so bad.  Now if he was to bust out in a full spray of unadulterated tear fests then at this point I have no other choice but to write her off right then and there severe all ties and act as if I have no idea who this person is.  I mean I do have a reputation to protect.  Years of crawling and scraping my way through my sugar daddy’s wallet did not come as easy as I had hoped and was taught in daddy’s money 101 by my drag mother a pre op transsexual named Mindy, ah hell it is all in the book.  

  Well to sum it up in the early to mid 90’s I resided and ruled the world of WeHO’s OZ for almost 3 full terms because as you most likely know 15 minutes is all anyone gets to reign supreme in LA’s world gay world of the Circuit.I was blessed those memorable early youthful years doing charity work for International Male/Playgirl centerfold/Men’s workout oh please all those tired but important quest items are needed if you are questing for this particular title/goal I was working so hard for.  The ability to be talked about in front of my face but most of all the coveted talking behind my back is double the points of brilliance because good or bad you are so important all press is better than no press at all.  Yeah I coined the phrase just like Janice Dickinson was the first supermodel of the world. So moonlighting as a Go Go boy to put myself through beauty school to make something of my life before I got too old I mean I was already pushing 25 and having HIV at this point for almost 10 years I was working it like nobody else should.

    The point of this monologue, prayer, mantra, whatever is if you are going to be a Crybaby Crenshaw you need to grow up get a life so I can make fun of it laughing out loud and thinking to myself you may be taller and have a little less body fat but my AIDS has way more I mean a butt load, no pun intended more t cells than you buster so just remember no matter how hard you try my immune system is 10 times stronger than yours.  Wimps, wannabee’s need not apply and btw don’t be surprised if this story is basically posted on every site you see this is one of those posts.  My thesis, my drama, my junk for the week filled with love and sharing bubbles of health and bullshit. I am hungry bye

  

 

 

Powered by ScribeFire.

Britney Baby II: The Fleshening

Britney Baby II: The Fleshening: " So I, uh, looked at these pictures. And somehow... I don't feel like a vegetarian anymore. Don't know why that is, but it's bothering me. By now, I should be inured to the Meat Parade that is Spearsiana. It's not like this is the first time Brit's posed in the nearly nude. It's not even the first time she's posed pregnant. As for this new sexy-pregnant direction she's taking: One could argue her career itself has been a merry chase through every phase of implied porn, from jailbait to Marilyn and back. Yet I find myself thinking fondly of Demi Moore, and how she managed to pull this off with such comparative style 15 years ago. Aesthetically (and I use the term loosely), there's just something... off here. Something a photographer or an editor should've caught. Unless, as I suspect, the intention was to humiliate and degrade... the reader. Oogies. Just look at these. They're the pregnant popstar equivalent of Burt Reynolds on the bearskin rug. Still, these pics aren't the most disturbing thing I've seen today. That honor goes to this (than"

GOT AIDS?

GOT AIDS?

Working my way back

www.thomcollins.com

Thom Collins 2006

Got AIDS?

Barbie Bitchin!

Lego of my Ego!

Happy AIDS are here again.

DivaStated?

Friendster: Thom Collins



All I can say in my defense over the years is living with HIV and Fighting AIDS (O.I's) on a daily basis growing older with T cells few and far between is my heart was in the right place to keep all of my Internet connections starting with the infamous for it's time www.thomcollins.com and my ever popular AOL days back when it was not mainstream in 1994 as thompoz@aol.com. Strange typing that handle it has been a long time. Friends I had made through my HIV/AIDS meetings on sundays in the AOL forums back in the mid 90's. Some of them found me upon leaving the world wide web scene after taking a toll on my sanity. Soon thereafter my HIV virus I had lived with for close to 15 years from intial contact in 1983 decided it was time to "rock my world" and boy has it. Both David and I are struggling through some very difficult times along with some very memorable life lessons learned if not gone through what I did at a certain point in my disease. Have you ever felt like everyone is against you or what else can happen. Sooner or later you are on your knees to your God/Higher power begging for help for you are a broken spirit and need help back into the light. For those Contacts, Friends, and Charity work made through the years I can only be grateful and make no promises as to response. I do try and I get really angry when carpel tunnell wont allow it or feeling nauseated from the anti virals.
Anyway, we will be in touch.

God Bless the POPE

Preach Preacher

I was getting ready to use my beta test past for Guild wars at 12:01 PST Friday morning when living in central time had the TV on in the backroom. Man on fire with Denzel Washington came on and at the top of the movie though I was not paying it any attention. I noticed a caption for this biblical scripture.

New testament scripture Romans chapter 12 verse 21

You can read the link and interpret for yourself, it seems our society is embracing it's religious roots to some's dismay. Frankly, if there was something to debate about I much rather spread the word of God's love and my obsession living as a Closet Jesus Freak. God speaks to all of us in mysterious ways and he did just that tonight for me by catching my attention for a split second to notice this scripture. It made me look it up and remember the comfort, love, and faith bible study use too and still does give me. What a glorious Palm Sunday weekend gift from above. I couldn't ask for anything more, ironically my last post was about being depressed over Easter weekend and my glory days as a celebrated circuit queen. I still miss and cherish those days, but we all can't stay young forever. Will talk soon

City of Heroes?

City of Heroes Well once again I am trying to use a gamepad similiar to PS2 or Xbox on my PC game City of Heros. Why you ask? My beloved monkey Rolex thats why. I have a doctors appointment today and not doing as good as I wish I could be. Easter sunday is always tough for me. Not so much the family thing, but when I would perform in my prime at Easter Weekend Palm springs Circuit event. Those days are long over and I am just rocking out to Donna Summer's "this time I know it's real".
I also fucked up my Grandmothers Bday again this year. I thought it was the 16th and it was the 14th. She is 89 years old and also not doing very well. I could just cry my eyes out. I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. The world is a scary place and I am blessed to have someone like David by my side over the years good and bad. We are going on 23 years together. My that is a long time. Strangely, I dont miss SEX. It has been Sept of 1999 since I had any human contact, and it was not with David. Raven if your out there it looks like I will be going to my grave as a celibate homosexual after you. Love is strange. AIDS is a tough MFker. The world has gone plum crazy.

Music for the masses

test

[Listening to: Donna and Elvis - 1990's - Recordings (32:26)]

[Listening to: Donna and Elvis - 1990's - Recordings (32:26)]

City of Heroes

City of Heroes

Love this game

Mozilla Firefox - Reviews and free downloads at Download.com

Mozilla Firefox - Reviews and free downloads at Download.com

I am praying this goes smoothly and I am not tortured with a screwed up download

Bandwidth Beats Bitching

Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting, participating, or playing in a yahoo newsgroup or any for that matter after learning the hard way in the mid 90's with AOL 1.5's chatrooms dujour'. My friends, family, and even JC himself said I needed to get out of my chair and get some sun. EEEh what do they know, right. Allot turns out. 1994-96 pre and post AOL mainstream USA was obsessed with all things tech, but couldn't really get the hang of writing "code". Long story short-I raised, and then prepared for sale at an upscale restaurant 100 Quail for 500.00 to buy the Atari 400 computer. It was the one without real keys but a touchpad. This was in 1981-82?

It not for the powers that be beyond my control back then I know my passion would have followed and learned how to program or code a computer. But things happen for a reason and like I said above it wasn't until 1994 AOL 1.5 that my curiosity began again. Meeting so many great people on the Internet over the years has been a true blessing. I have said it so many times before. However, seems to me it is getting more dangerous with identity theft and dating. We all just need to be aware more.

What is this am I sitting on a soapbox. All I wanted to do was introduce myself to the group and ask a question about bandwidth and vlogs? Having my own domain www.Thom Collins.com and numerous blogs two of them on typepad and blogger who hosts them. Would it be advantages to ftp upload my files to my server and then link to them from my blogs. Would the reader get better speed or is the bandwidth and choppy video have to do for now? Any suggestions, comments, or ideas would be great.



I was asked once if I thought LIFE was Precious? My reply, Heavens NO, but I think it's damn cute.
GOD Bless you,
Thom

Says it all.
Say Cheez!

HIV Positive now living with AIDS.
Say Cheez!

Love is the only drug, Love is the light of the world, LOVE is the only true religion, Love is GOD.
Say Cheez!

ThomCollins.com has a fresh start.
Say Cheez!

My first try at blogger bot photo posting. Can we do video"
Say Cheez!

Loves about to change

Reviews and free downloads at Download.com

Wikipedia:Browse - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Wikipedia:Browse - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia